in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
