i already hear my dad disowning me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
