So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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