Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
