I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
