So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You pole danced in your parka.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
