i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
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Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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