I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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