We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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