somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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