So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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