also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
