i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My hand turned me down
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
