his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
