We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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