she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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