Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
