a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
