do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
