random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
