There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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