JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
