I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
