Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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