Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
