my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
