I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
