The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
