if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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