I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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