yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
