we have pet lesbian snakes
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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