where am i from again
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
