Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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