I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Every concussion has its silver lining
The chlamydia really affected his face.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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