Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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