I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
