I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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