I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
