Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize