I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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