Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
