I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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