At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
