Don't make out with my wife yet
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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