Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
