***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
