they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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