You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
