yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
