Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
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Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
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There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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