hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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