is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
