it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
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That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
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IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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