If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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