mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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