How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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