The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
