It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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