i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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