Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
