can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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