there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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